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Two minute management course.

Lesson One

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit, and ate it.

Management Lesson - To be sitting doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson Two

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients."

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Management Lesson - Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson Three

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold; the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Management Lessons -
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

This ends your two-minute management course.

24 Votes Wise
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the golf ball into the woods.She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack."


Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.


Attention female readers :

This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good.



Male readers: Please scroll down.

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The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife.

Moral of the story: Women think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show.

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladies who have a good sense of humour.
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Self CPR... Dear All,

Please read this:-

1 Let’s say it’s 7.25pm and you’re going home
(alone of course) after an unusually hard day on the job.

2 You’re really tired, upset and frustrated.

3 Suddenly you start experiencing severe pain in your chest that starts to drag out into your arm and up in to your jaw. You are only about five km from the hospital nearest your home.

4 Unfortunately you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it that far.

5 You have been trained in CPR, but the guy that taught the course did not tell you how to perform it on yourself.

6 HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE?
Since many people are alone when they suffer a heart attack without help, the person whose heart is beating improperly and who begins to feel faint, has only
about 10 seconds left before losing consciousness.

7 However, these victims can help themselves by coughing
repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the chest.

A breath and a cough must be repeated about every two
seconds without let-up until help arrives, or until
the heart is felt to be beating normally again.

8 Deep breaths get oxygen into the lungs and coughing
movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating. The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get to a hospital.

9 Tell as many other people as possible about this. It could save their lives!!

10 A cardiologist says If everyone who gets this mail
kindly sends it to 10 people, you can bet that we’ll save at least one life.

11 Rather than sending jokes, please..contribute by forwarding this mail which can save a person’s life.

12 If this message comes around you... more than once... please don’t get irritated. U need to be happy that you have many friends who care about you & being reminded of how to tackle.
Heart attacks again!
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